Video Games
by teamfreewill82
Summary: dé·jà vu: a feeling of having already experienced the present situation. [Jonnor] [EDITED]
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own** _ **The Fosters**_ **or anything pertaining to it except my writing. All rights go to the rightful owners.**

 **A/N: Set during my version of** _ **Déjà Vu**_ **, s3ep3 (which hasn't premiered yet). I used all the promos I could find to write this. *smiley**

"So is your dad home?" Jude inquired as he and Connor approached the apartment. Connor shook his head, taking the key from his book bag's pocket. He had just been able to get off his crutches the day before.

"No," he said. "He's at work. Won't be home 'til, like, seven." Jude followed him inside once the door had been swung open, and Connor shut it behind them.

"Wanna do the English homework?"

Connor glanced back at Jude, laughing, while they walked into the den. "Good one." Jude grinned, but didn't say anything more. "Hey," Connor added, "did I tell you Mom got me _Dawn of Armageddon_ _5_?" Jude shook his head. "Well it just came out; I haven't even played yet. You want to?"

Jude's open expression grew closed, his eyebrows drawn together as he once again shook his head. "No, I'm good."

Connor dropped his bag beside the couch, confused, but only said, "Okay. You can watch if you want."

 _Seeing guys blowing each other's heads off?_ "No, thanks," Jude said, sitting in the armchair facing away from the television. Connor raised his eyebrows but didn't comment as he too took a seat, on the couch, to play.

It was while the game was loading that Jude glanced over at Connor, away from Bejeweled Blitz, and said, "So we have a foster kid living with us." Connor looked at him in surprise.

"How come I didn't know 'til now?"

"Just remembered," Jude said. "His name's A.J."

Connor leaned back against the couch cushion, toying with the remote control in his hands. "How long's he staying at your place?"

"I dunno. Until Mike can get a license to house him, I guess," Jude decided. "That's what my moms told us."

The game started up as Connor asked, "Where's he sleeping?"

"My room, since Jesus is gone," Jude told him. "I guess it could be weird, but it won't be for too long, anyway." There was a brief pause in which Connor began his tour and gunshots began to rattle the room.

"So you don't feel weird about sharing your room with some kid you don't know?" he asked Jude, his eyes glued to the TV set.

"I've been in seven foster homes," Jude reminded him, moving a red jewel to sit beside another and create a match. "I've shared a lot of rooms with a lot of kids I don't know."

"Oh, man, _sick_!" Connor exclaimed upon one player being shot to death by another. Almost immediately, the shooting began again and Jude glanced over at Connor, his face crinkling in displeasure. He used to enjoy games like that, sure. But it was sort of hard to bear what with everything that had happened. So Jude simply sat quietly and continued with his own non-violent game.

"You're going down…" Connor said to the screen.

Or not. "Could you turn that down please?" Jude asked, unable to hide is disdainful tone.

"Dude, no way! I'm dominating!" Connor said.

" _Seriously_ ," Jude said. "It hurts my ears." It wasn't a total lie.

Connor grabbed the remote and fixed the volume, frowning. "Fine. Whatever, Granny."

Jude glanced again at Connor, a hurt frown of his own appearing. He reached for Connor's headphones and put them over his ears, looking at his supposed boyfriend only once more before ignoring him and his stupid game.

* * *

It was later that same day that Jude arrived at his house. His moms were already inside, preparing dinner. He had wanted to go home at least an hour before his actual leaving time, but hadn't wanted to hurt Connor's feelings. Ridiculous, considering Connor didn't seem to care one way or the other how _he_ treated Jude.

Lena stood at the stove, swirling soup in a saucepan, while Stef leaned against the island with a cup of tea wrapped between her hands.

"Hey, bubba," Lena greeted their son, smiling at him, as was her wife. "Have fun at Connor's?"

Jude shrugged, making a split second decision as he retrieved a glass from the cupboard. "I wanna learn how to shoot a gun." Stef, in the midst of sipping her green tea, nearly spat it back up, and Lena moved forward to rub her back.

"Um," she began.

"Wh–why would you want to do that, bud?" Stef asked him, recovering her composure.

Jude poured himself some water from the fridge and said, "I want to be able to protect myself. I can't stand being helpless."

"You aren't helpless," Lena assured him quickly. "You have us."

"That's just as bad as helpless," Jude said, and his moms both fell quiet. He sighed. "That's not what I mean. I just… I don't wanna have to rely on anyone but myself. I need you, yeah. But if I can learn this one thing for me, I'll know I'm safe." _And that Connor is safe._ "And you're a cop, mom," he added to Stef, "so I just figured you'd be the best one to teach me."

"Well I can't just put a gun in your hand," Stef told him. "We'd have to go to the range…"

"Perfect," her son agreed heartily. "Is tomorrow okay?"

"Tomorrow?" Lena repeated, disbelieving. She looked to her wife. "Honey, can we… talk about this first?"

They sent Jude to his room so they could discuss the idea, but Jude was adamant. He needed this. He knew they didn't understand why, and he knew as well that Connor wouldn't either, when he told him the following day. But either one of them could've been killed at Taylor's, and even if Jude didn't carry a gun around and it wouldn't have made a difference, in another more life-threatening situation, Jude could take control. And all Connor would have in his belt would be DA5.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own** _ **The Fosters**_ **or anything pertaining to it except my writing. All rights go to the rightful owners.**

The bell for first period went off. All morning, Connor had been clueless as to his behavior the day before and Jude had allowed it. Connor hadn't been purposely hurtful, and Jude knew that. But he still hadn't said anything about his gun idea, even though his moms had told him hours before that, if Stef were there with him, he could learn. Lena had appeared very stiff, while Stef tried to smile in support. Jude didn't like to cause problems between them, but what could he do about it? It wasn't like he ever really asked for much else.

Connor spoke over the others in the hall, at his locker behind Jude, and asked, "So what're you doing today after school? I wanted to check out the library for that book, you know, the one for science? Wanna come?"

"I can't," Jude said, his eyes falling to the binders in his locker. "I'm busy."

"Seriously?" Connor sounded just surprised enough that Jude felt offended. What, did Connor think Jude didn't have a life outside of school and him? "With what?"

"I'm…" Jude closed his eyes briefly before looking over at Connor and adjusting the bag on his shoulder. "I'm going to a shooting range."

"What?" Connor stared, not sure if Jude was serious or not. "Why would you wanna go to a shooting range?"

"To learn how to shoot a gun," Jude told him, snappishly.

Connor, who normally would have rolled his eyes at Jude's comment, shut his locker and moved to stand beside his boyfriend instead. "Jude, I mean it. You freaked yesterday about DA5 and now you wanna use a real gun?"

"I figured protecting myself is better than the alternative. Is that bad or something?"

"Of course not, but–"

"Come on," Jude interrupted. "We should get to class." He walked ahead and Connor remained still, staring after him for a moment before reluctantly, confused, following after.

* * *

"So, can I come with?" Connor asked, once school had ended for the day. Jude pretended not to understand and Connor was forced to elucidate, "The range, Jude. Can I go with you to the shooting range?"

Jude shrugged. "I don't care. If you want to you can."

"Okay," Connor said, pausing mid-step to look at his boyfriend. "Did I do something to piss you off?"

"Huh?"

"Come on, Jude. Don't do that. I know you're mad about something so just tell me what I did." Connor waited.

"Nothing," Jude told him eventually. "Seriously. I didn't sleep well last night." He continued to walk towards the parking lot and Connor went after him.

"So it's that foster kid? A.J.?"

"No. He's fine. Just didn't sleep well," Jude repeated himself, spotting Stef. "Are you coming or not?"

Connor shook his head, disbelieving. "Yeah. I'm coming."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own** _ **The Fosters**_ **or anything pertaining to it except my writing. All rights go to the rightful owners.**

 **A/N: Thank you for reading. *smiley**

The car ride to the shooting range was a long one. Jude was silent, having inserted his ear-buds, and Connor kept his eyes on him for most of the ride in his obvious disbelief. In the rearview mirror, Stef watched this, also unsure of what was going on. However, she didn't comment on it, and let them be.

They arrived at the range and Jude immediately jumped from the car, beginning the walk inside. Connor, feeling for some odd reason embarrassed, followed after. Stef hurried in front of them both, as she was the cop and parent, and checked them in, flashing her badge.

"Connor," she said to the boy. He stopped walking and looked at her. "Your father isn't my biggest fan, and I'd rather if we didn't make that worse by my allowing you to use a gun. Would you mind sitting out today?"

"Yeah, whatever. It's fine." He didn't even put up a fight as he went, sullenly, to sit in the chair area. Jude spared a glance his way but kept on ahead. Stef told her policeman friend working that day to keep an eye on Connor and then went in after her son.

"So…" she said, fitting him for a vest and protective glasses. "What's with you and Connor?"

"What d'you mean?" Jude replied innocently.

"Don't give me that," his mom said, smiling slightly. "I rode in a silent car with the two of you. Connor seems pretty upset about something."

"I didn't do anything!" Jude said, suddenly on the defensive and louder than before. Stef nearly took a step back in surprise.

"I didn't say you did," she managed instead of this. "Just… he's your best friend, alright, bud? Don't push him away."

Jude didn't reply to this, pulling on the smallest pair of gloves available. "Can we start now?" he murmured.

Stef, after studying him for just a moment, nodded. "'Course. Let me show you how it's done…"

* * *

Seeing Jude and Stef exiting the shooting area, Connor jumped to his feet and waited for them to get closer before asking, "So? How'd it go?"

"Fine," Jude said. "I'll need practice, obviously, but it was kinda fun." He seemed in a somewhat better mood, and Connor was grateful.

"Great!" he said. "Maybe now you'll actually beat me at DA5." He grinned, but Jude was suddenly closed off, as he had been before. Stef, having been signing them out, came back over and glanced between the two.

"Ready to go?" she asked them.

"Yeah," Jude said, walking towards the doors. She looked at Connor, whose sad expression had returned. _Why do I miss everything?_ Stef demanded of herself, going after the quickly retreating boys.

* * *

Stef had been thinking about inviting Connor for dinner. One part of her told her that whatever was going on between the two boys was meant to be solved themselves, not by her push. But the more mom-like, rash side of her knew that kids were kids, and could go without talking for days over things as stupid as eating all of their favorite ice cream. So, she did tell Connor to come over and eat with them, and, with a quick look to Jude, he agreed. Stef smiled and tapped the wheel. Being a parent did have some advantages.

* * *

"Lena? Honey?" Stef called into the house.

"In here!" Connor, Jude, and Stef all looked to the right and saw the dining room occupied by the Adams-Foster family, A.J., and Monte.

"What's… what's going on?" asked Stef as she and the boys went in.

"Monte and I had work to go over and I figured she could use some dinner," Lena supplied. Monte smiled at Stef, who nodded, somewhat stiffly.

"Oh, sure. That's fine." She cleared her throat. "Any left for us?"

* * *

It was after a somewhat awkward dinner that Jude went to sit on the swing on the front porch. He wanted to be alone to think. He felt a bit better, having taken a step in the direction of protection, but he couldn't stop thinking about the hurt look Connor had been sporting the good portion of that afternoon. Jude didn't want to be upset, honestly, but sometimes he just got stuck in that rut and couldn't seem to find the right way to pick himself up and out.

Connor really hadn't done anything. Jude wasn't annoyed that he had called him Granny, not really. Only that he hadn't been sensitive enough to understand the real reason behind why Jude didn't like the violent sounds.

Speak of the devil. He came to sit beside Jude, his hands coming to fold in his lap as they looked out over the street.

"So," he began, unsure of where he was going with it. He fell silent for a few minutes, and then Jude said, "I'm not mad at you." Connor, eyebrows raised, looked again at him.

"Seriously?" he asked.

"Yeah. I mean, you don't get why I've been weird, and I guess not explaining hasn't really been fair to you either." Connor didn't say anything, waiting for Jude to speak. "Yesterday, with DA5… I haven't played a video game like that since before… Since before Taylor's."

"Taylor's?" Connor echoed, fuddled.

"When her dad… when you were shot," Jude clarified quietly.

"Why?"

"I guess… games like that remind me how easily you could've been killed." Connor, understanding falling across his features, leaned back. He certainly hadn't been expecting Jude to say anything like _that_. "The gunshots, shouting, it all makes me think of that night. In the second before the lights went on… I didn't know what to think." He kept his eyes focused on his hands. "You could have been dead, for all I knew. Those games you like so much really do hurt my ears, but not just because they're loud."

Connor breathed out without a sound, then hesitantly reached over to take Jude's hand. He let him and gripped it tightly, causing Connor to breathe again, but in relief. "I'm sorry," he said.

"You don't have a reason to be. How could you have known–"

"But I should've," Connor said, quiet and looking down at their hands. "You used to love those games. I should've realized something was wrong." His eyes found Jude's. "Is that why you want to learn how to shoot?"

"I guess so. Maybe." Jude tried to find the words to say. "I've always been on my own with Callie. She protected me, and still does. I hate relying on others. I know things are different now, and I have a huge family to help me… but it's hard to shake off stuff you grew up with, you know?"

Connor laughed humorlessly. "Yeah. I know. And I know that it's scary, being dependent on others, Jude. But you do have me. I'm still here."

Jude nodded. "I know."

"Are you still gonna keep learning how to shoot a gun?" Connor asked after a second had passed, lightly tracing the top of Jude's hand with the pad of his thumb.

"I'm not sure, now. I want to. At least, I thought I did. It was nice doing something I could do myself, after being unable to control anything for so much of my life."

Connor nodded, understanding. "Well, whatever you decide, I've got your back. Just tell me when something bothers you, okay? You had me scared the whole day you were gonna break up with me. _Again_."

Jude laughed, smiling for real for the first time that day. "Of course I will. Thanks." He hugged Connor tightly.

Neither noticed Stef peering, just a glance, through the window at the two of them. _Right again_ , she congratulated herself, glad they had made up. _No surprise there…_


End file.
